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January 16, 2020

#ChampagneGate: Bachelor Recap Episode 2

…And just like that our “journey” to love continues. We are back at a random theatre in Los Angeles with the world’s least waterproof tube of mascara and a very torn Pilot Pete.

Hannah Brown and Peter continue the awkward cuddling / “I don’t know what to do” conversation for the next five to ten minutes. They almost kiss and in a moment of clarity, they Peter makes the decision to part ways after he dusts off the trail of glitter Hannah left on his lap and heart. Side note: I feel for Hannah, she obviously has terrible taste in men… (need I remind anyone that Luke P. stuck around for almost an entire season?) I hope she finds love but I want a fresh start for our newest Bachelor, even if it is with someone that’s barely of legal drinking age.

Photo: ABC

Meanwhile, our other girls have been sitting in the theatre for way too long and they start to get a little antsy. As young as the girls are, they aren’t wallflowers and I give them props for being annoyed by the constant presence of Hannah Brown and the windmill story. Peter emerges from his tearful goodbye with Hannah and lets his ladies know that his head isn’t in the right space for this continued date and the gals are 100% supportive and not at all annoyed… ha. The upside of this is that we didn’t have to listen to anyone’s awkward sexual history and that is a win in my book.

Later that night, Peter continues with the evening portion of the date and the ladies have had time to stew and get extra resentful over the Hannah Brown moments. Natasha doesn’t hold back when she sits down and tells Peter that she is “really upset” and that “Every time I’ve seen you, I’ve seen her.” News flash, Natasha: You have seen him twice. Simmer down.

Our Bachelor knows his ladies are upset and proceeds to do damage control by assuring them all that “Hannah Brown is in the past” and they LOVE it. He then proceeds to make out with Mykenna and have a nice little chat with Sydney (who I forgot existed until this moment). Drum roll for the date rose… it goes to Sydney.

Now that Hannah Brown is out of the picture we can have some local drama. Fast forward to being back at the mansion for another cocktail hour and rose ceremony. Peter is excited to reconnect with the women (a term I use loosely since most of them are not a day over twenty). Just like all of us, he is having a hard time remembering who everyone is and says to Lexi “what happened the first night? refresh my memory”. If you can’t remember who Lexi is, just think red head with clear dress straps. That dress was a choice to say the least.

Let us get back to the actual drama that involves Kelsey, her overly contoured face, a bottle of champagne from her birthday and our favorite “nice girl” Hannah Ann. Kelsey means business and sets up (with the help of multiple producers) a bottle of champagne that she has been saving “for a special occasion” and a blanket in front of one of the mansions twenty different fireplaces. She boasts to the other gals about how “special” this bottle is and how she can’t wait to share it with Peter. Newsflash, if you care a lot about something maybe don’t tell an entire production team about it because chances are someone will be coached into ruining your moment / item.

I digress… while Kelsey is still babbling on about her champagne Mykenna decides to steal Peter for a sec. Kelsey is not having it. She proceeds to chew Mykenna out for possibly cutting in on her precious potential time. I can only assume Kelsey was drunk in all of these exchanges, heaven knows I would be, but that is basically the only valid excuse for her reactions this evening. While Kelsey was reaming Mykenna, Hannah Ann saw her opportunity and snuck away with Peter for some… you guessed it, cuddling by the fireplace with some champagne. From off in the distance, a cork is popped and heard around the world. Here is some actual footage of the producers reacting to the sound of the cork popping

Kelsey is at a loss for words, just kidding. She loses it, she can’t decide if she wants to curse Hannah Ann out or collapse into a hysterical breakdown. Luckily for us, she does both. After sobbing in the bathroom over the ever special Des Moine champagne she sits down with Peter to explain why her tears were warranted. As fate would have it, there is new bottle of champagne waiting for them that was definitely not shaken up by a couple interns. Kelsey sniffles and tells our pilot that she is a “classy girl” and takes a swig of champs out of the bottle…

ABC needs to give that intern a raise for creating a Bachelor iconic moment. Let’s move forward to something not centered around champagne, JUST KIDDING. Kelsey isn’t done yet, she has to have words with Hannah Ann about ruining her moment. I kind of commend Kelsey, she knows that after how she acted tonight there is no way she has a real shot with Peter in the long run, so she milks her interactions as her audition for Bachelor In Paradise and I am here for it. She tells Hannah Ann “you know what you did” while Hannah denies, denies, denies.

Can we all take a moment to remember this reality tv gold? L.C. should have trademarked her phrase.

Hannah Ann proceeds to tell Kelsey “I’ve acknowledged your feelings, I respect your opinion, and we’re moving forward,” before walking off. Which Kelsey responds to saying “I’m not, just because I’m not a fake bitch.” Just like that, it’s time for Chris Harrison to tap some flutes and announce the rose ceremony for the night.

Role call: Mykenna, Victoria P., Natasha, Jasmine, Sarah, Lexi, Hannah Ann, Alexa, Tammy, Alayah, Deandra, Victoria F., Shiann, Kiarra, Savannah, and Kelsey. Time to say goodbye to Lauren, Courtney and Payton with her hot pink, tiger sequin dress. That dress was more than enough reason to send her home. I will die on that hill, don’t @ me.

Moving on! Here is our first real group date and the lucky ladies that get to leave the mansion for the day are: Mykenna, Alexa, Natasha, Deandra, Lexi, Victoria F., Hannah Ann, and duh, Kelsey. Peter is straddled by a run and jump from Deandra. The crew is met at Revolve by Carson Kressley, supermodel Janice Dickinson, and Revolve’s CBO, Raissa Gerona. The girls are going to show off their personalities in a runway competition for the chance at Peter’s heart and $20,000 worth of elevated Forever 21 clothing. Can I just say that Peter is the real champ in all of this, my husband will hardly watch me try on one outfit let alone do a full blown fashion show and claim that it is a date. Side note: Can we also talk about the fact that you cannot tell the difference between Janice and Caitlyn?

Now it’s time for a little screen time with one of our future pot stirrers, Victoria F. You may or may have not seen some of the things floating around online about this little gem but I won’t spoil anything and I will let you google for yourself. I will say, that there is no way this girl lacks confidence or is timid as she would have us believe. Look at her opening joke when she met Peter on night one, something about the words “dry” and “wet”.

Back to the date, she cries (again) about how hard it is to get noticed and how she isn’t as confident as the other women… I almost believed her until she strutted down the runway in a trench coat with lingerie and made out with Peter in front of an entire room. No shaming here, just not buying this whole “I’m just a nice quiet girl” vibe.

Victoria F. lacking confidence and not getting noticed… ABC Photos

Don’t worry though, not everyone lacks confidence, we were treated to seeing Luke P Hannah Ann on the show. She strutted down the runway in a wedding dress and threw her veil at Peter. Someone on Twitter said it best, “Luke P. walked so Hannah Ann could run.”

Are we almost through this episode yet? Now we are onto the evening portion of the date and Peter steals Victoria F. away for a chat where she continues to cry about how hard all of this, how she doesn’t know if it’s worth her mental health and how it feels like there are so many other women there (umm there are). Peter reassures her and she cries into his lap.

NEXT: It’s time for Hannah Ann to reveal how triggered and bullied she is to Peter and all by Kelsey’s seething words. She claims that it was so hard for her to get through day because of the “bullying” that occurred the night before when Kelsey called her a “princess” and a “bitch”. Hannah Ann just broke one of the main rules of The Bachelor franchise, don’t talk to the Bachelor about your house drama unless you want a two-on-one. Peter is shook and heads to confront Kelsey but not before giving the date rose to our little wallflower, Victoria F.

The night ended with Kelsey telling Peter that Hannah Ann “knew what she did” regarding the champagne. “Yeah, but she’s telling me that she didn’t,” says Peter. “Like, this is insane” states Peter. “She can turn it on. She’s trying to play the victim card. She acts a certain way to you, and a different way in the house” says Kelsey.

Goodness, Bachelor Nation. Where do we go from here? I guess we will find out on next week’s episode. Are you team DesMoines? or Team HannahAnn? What do you think of Victoria F.? Do you love Madison’s deep attachment to chandelier earrings? and most importantly, what do you think of our new Bachelor? Comment below and let me know your thoughts!

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